When Domestic Violence Comes to Work

There's a particular kind of violence that demands workplace concern—violence in an employee's personal life that follows the employee into the workplace. Sometimes it literally turns up on the doorstep of the building, with an irate spouse shouting threats or a stalker lurking around the parking lot. Sometimes it's more insidious, infecting the workplace with stress without anybody's quite being able to pinpoint what's wrong.

This article covers scenarios that a manager might encounter. A spouse, lover, or other personal associate might threaten, harass, or assault an employee in the workplace. An employee might confide in a supervisor about being victimized. A manager may suspect that an employee or coworker is being victimized, but the person hasn't spoken out about it.

Regardless of whether you observe the assaultive behavior or are told about it, the first thing to do is to define the situation correctly.

If Somebody Is Threatening, Harassing, or Injuring the Employee

If somebody is threatening, harassing, or injuring another person, it is a criminal act. Forget all the polite rules about ignoring lovers' quarrels, because this is another kind of situation altogether.

Never underestimate the possible dangerousness of someone who batters, stalks, or otherwise mistreats another person, whatever their relationship may be. The danger may extend beyond the one targeted employee to others in the workplace. Obviously, all situations aren't equally dangerous, but there's enough risk that you shouldn't try to evaluate dangerousness unless you're well trained in threat assessment.

If there appears to be an immediate threat, notify the law enforcement resource that can most readily provide security in the situation. For example, this might be a local police officer, an inspector, or other specially trained professional. Everyone in the office should know who this is and how to contact them. If it's really an emergency, any officer will provide assistance.

Even if the situation doesn't seem to be an emergency, you shouldn't delay reporting it to law enforcement officials and getting at least their initial take on the situation. Assessing threats is part of their profession, and they may see signs of danger that aren't obvious to an untrained person.

If there seems to be danger in the workplace, the law enforcement agency responsible for your office's security can help you in assessing the threat and adjusting security measures. Maybe you should change the locks, or the security guard should be advised to be on the lookout for a particular individual. Maybe the threatened person should be assigned to a different office.

In addition to law enforcement, your employee is likely to need a number of other professional services, ranging from psychological counseling to legal advice to a safe shelter to live in for a while. Many communities now have comprehensive victim assistance programs with a wide array of coordinated services. The employee may appreciate it if you make the initial phone call to locate the resources. If you don't know where to call, ask your employee assistance program (EAP) for guidance.

As a conscientious manager, you know to leave the counseling to professional counselors. However, you need to remember that there's a lot you can do to help the employee without abandoning your own role. The normal things good managers do to make the workplace productive and harmonious for everyone can be especially meaningful to those employees whose personal lives are in turmoil. Having a chance to be productive and feel part of a team can do wonders for the battered self-esteem and sense of isolation that often go along with being a victim.

If You Suspect, But Do Not Know for Certain, That an Employee Is Being Victimized

You may find yourself with a more complicated scenario. What if the situation isn't clear? The employee seems tense and upset. Maybe their work is suffering, or other employees are beginning to find their tension getting in the way of teamwork. Maybe the employee hasn't talked about abuse but behaves in ways that lead you to worry about it. The employee might come in on Monday mornings with fresh bruises or seem frightened whenever their partner phones at work. Coworkers may be coming to you with concerns that the person is being victimized, but nobody wants to bring up the subject with the employee.

As a manager struggling to do the right thing, you may be asking yourself this: "Should I get involved at all? Is this a personal problem or a workplace problem? What will happen if I don't do anything?"

This is a complex situation, and the way you handle it will depend on your own judgment and your working relationship with your employees. Here are some suggestions that might be helpful:

• Don't assume it couldn't happen to your employee. Even when an employee's behavior causes concern, it's common to think something like, "It must be my imagination, because this is a mature, professional person who wouldn't be involved with anything like that." The fact is that anyone can become a victim. Those who don't fit the stereotype—older adults, highly educated people, or men from any walk of life—may find it especially hard to let anyone know what is going on.
• Don't ignore the situation. Work may be the only resource an employee has left, particularly if the abuser has succeeded in cutting off other sources of support. The earlier you learn about the situation, the quicker you can bring in professional resources. Then you will have a better chance of aiding the individual employee and preventing an incident of violence that could devastate the entire workplace.
• Put aside your thoughts about what may be happening at home, and focus on the employee's behavior at work. It's always appropriate for a supervisor to show concern for an employee who seems seriously distressed and to support the employee in getting professional help. As you probably know, you shouldn't try to diagnose the employee's problem, and should make it clear that the employee can choose whether or not to confide in you. You might say something like the following:

I have to tell you that I'm concerned about you. You're doing the same good work you always have, but you seem tense all the time, and this is the second time this week I've seen you crying at your desk. You don't need to tell me what's going on in your life, but if there's anything our EAP could help with, I wish you would go talk with them. We can adjust the schedule to fit your meeting times, and nobody else in the office needs to know where you are. If I can be of help with anything, I hope you'll let me know.

If the employee's performance or conduct is deteriorating, then document the deficiency and discuss the matter with your human resources office. Whether or not formal action is appropriate at this time, it is essential to counsel the employee about the deficiency and refer the employee to the EAP. It may seem cruel to confront a person who is obviously suffering, but sometimes this is the only way to help. Reminding the employee how essential they are to the organization may actually help boost self-esteem.

If You Suspect a Coworker Is Being Victimized

If the person is your friend or coworker rather than your subordinate employee, you have more latitude about how to approach the situation. If you decide to confront the problem, you may want to ask whether the person "feels safe at home" rather than asking directly about "abuse." This wording can make it easier for the person to open up about the problem.

If your friend denies that there is a problem or gets angry at you for suggesting that there is one, don't give up or take it as a personal rejection. Your friend may be so beaten down emotionally that they aren't ready to face the reality of what's going on in their life. They may be telling themselves that they deserve what they're getting, or that their partner will change if they only do things better. They may be terrified that any action, even admitting the problem, may lead to greater danger for themselves or their children. Even if they seem to reject your concern, you can still be a friend, let them know you are there for them, and remind them that you believe they deserve to be safe and happy.

It can always be helpful to get confidential professional advice before you try to intervene. You might want to talk with an EAP counselor or contact a community organization specializing in domestic violence.