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Anger
Anger
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Anger is one of our most common emotions. We all get angry sometimes. Anger can be a powerful feeling and it can bring about benefits, as well as problems. At its best, it energizes us to find solutions, but at its worst, anger can damage our health and our relationships because it can be so destructive.
We should learn how to develop strategies to recognize and control angry feelings when they surface. First, try to notice the physical sensations that occur when you get angry. Some people feel their muscles tensing up, their heart racing, their fists clenching, they sweat or tremble, while others get knots in their stomach, dry mouth or a headache. Then the next time you feel warning signs that you are starting to get angry, try one of these proven management techniques.
Later, when you feel more composed, you will be able to handle the situation more constructively. As you feel yourself getting angry, sit down and breathe slowly, until you can speak calmly, or try tensing and relaxing your fingers or toes to release the tension. If you are talking with another person, one technique is to delay your reaction by saying, "I need some time to think it over.” An alternative way to buy time may be simply to remove yourself for a period of time, leave the room, or, perhaps, even take a walk if possible. In addition, you can try to talk yourself out of flying off the handle, by saying such things to yourself as, “This is going to upset me but I know how to deal with it”, “I won't take this too seriously,” “I'll just roll with the punches”, “I won't take it personally,” or “Let's just take the issues point by point”.
Ask yourself about a situation that has angered you.
- Is this really important?
- Will it matter an hour from now? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year?
If the answer is “yes,” then make a commitment to discuss and work through the issue at a time when you are feeling calm. This way you won't lose the message that underlies your anger. Remember that with a calmer, well thought out response, you will probably find ways to cope better with any situation. By managing your anger, your energy level, your creativity and your quality of life have nowhere to go but up.
I am Psychologist, Dr. Michael Broder.