Coping with Feelings of Isolation and Alienation in Times of International Conflict

In times of international tension and armed conflict, people can sometimes make the mistake of holding ordinary people to blame for the actions of national governments. Political emotions and anger can become personal. When you're on the receiving end of that blame and hostility, the experience can be painful.

Group identities and affiliations can also harden political opinions and make it difficult to have thoughtful and productive conversations. Past experiences of collective trauma on either or both sides of the conflict can intensify the hardening of positions. Each side can see itself as the victim and the other as the perpetrator. Harms that occurred long ago are often included in each side's views of the current conflict. Highly complex situations can be simplified in peoples' minds into absolutes of right and wrong.

These tendencies are deeply rooted in human nature, and the problems they create can't easily be "solved" the way some personal challenges can be. However, there are some steps you can take to help yourself feel less isolated and give yourself the strength to carry on.

Put things in perspective.

When personal conflicts arise, it can be helpful to try to see things through the other person's eyes and understand the context of the behavior. That's not to excuse rude or inappropriate behavior, and certainly not hostile words or actions, but putting things in perspective can help you choose your response.

When a nation's government acts in ways that cause harm or are perceived to cause harm, it's natural for the people offended or hurt by those actions to assign blame to the people of that country, even to people who don't support the government's actions. In some cases, that blame can be even more unfairly applied to people with only a limited connection to the country or the conflict.

If you support one side of the conflict, understand that others can have different opinions. Understand, too, that people may be responding to different information. What you see, hear, and read about the situation may be very different from what others see, hear, and read. Your timeline of events in the current conflict may also extend to different historical roots than do those of people with different views.

Recognize and accept your emotional reactions.

If you are feeling isolated and alienated as a consequence of world events and local reactions to them, it can be helpful to recognize and accept your emotions. For example, it's natural to feel hurt when friends snub or reject you or when it feels like your community has turned against you. The desire to belong to and feel part of a community is one of the most basic human urges. Other emotional reactions can include anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, sorrow, grief, and emotional numbness.

Recognize your emotions for what they are: natural reactions to a terrible situation. Accept them, as uncomfortable as they may be. Understand, too, that it can take time to process strong emotions.

Choose your response.

You can't control the actions of other people. You can't control world events. You may not be able to control how you feel in reaction to those actions and events, but it's important to remember that you can choose your response.

Connect with the people who are available to you.

Human connection is necessary for emotional health. Supportive friends help you through down times and give you a lift when you need it. Connections with others are also important in solving problems and understanding reality. Friends and family share practical information. They can challenge you when your thinking is distorted or unrealistic.

If you are temporarily cut off from some people in your social network, strengthen the connections that remain. Reach out to the people who are available to you and can be supportive.

Take care of yourself.

Eat regular meals with a mix of nutritious foods. Get outside for walks or physical activity. Get the sleep you need. Make time for activities you enjoy. The more you focus on the things that bring you joy, the more you can train your brain to feel more optimistic and resilient in the face of adversity.

Use mindfulness and other grounding exercises to help stay calm. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, setting aside distractions and thoughts of the past or future. By focusing on your breathing, an object, or a present feeling, you can let go of regrets about the past and worries about the future and accept your current reality.

Use this as an opportunity to learn.

You may feel that your country or your culture is being rejected and criticized. Find personal strength in learning about and reminding yourself of the positive aspects of your heritage. Also try to recognize your blind spots and understand the situation from other perspectives. Learn more about the realities of the conflict and the history behind it—not just the aspects that support your views, but also the parts of the story that fuel emotions on the other side of the conflict.

Do what you can to make the situation better.

Feelings of isolation and helplessness can be overcome by taking even small actions. Help someone who is in need. Be kind to the people around you. Cook a meal for someone. Offer your services as a translator. Look for opportunities to positively influence the situation.

Seek help.

It's not a sign of weakness to seek professional help when you are in emotional pain or facing extraordinary challenges. It's a sign of strength and a gift to the people who care about and depend on you. Professional counseling can provide a safe space to share your feelings, talk about your experiences, and learn new ways to cope.