Tips for Getting Along with a Roommate
Find ways to admire and appreciate this person. This is the first move towards getting along. Get beyond appearances. There isn't a person on this earth who doesn't have something interesting about them. Figure out what it is; observe it, ask about it, talk about it. People respond well to people who see something admirable in them.
Assume good will. The thing that you are convinced the other person is doing specifically to annoy you may well be just a habit or a holdover from the way things are in his or her home. Before you leap to the conclusion that your roomie is out to "get you" by blasting heavy metal during study hours, ask if this is the way he or she always studies. It just might be the case!
Communicate. No one can read minds. If you don't like your roommate to borrow your shampoo, your mp3 player, or your clothes, say something. Simmering in resentment will only make it more difficult to get along. Conversely, you can't read your roommate's mind. You don't know if it's all right to borrow things unless you ask. You don't want to create resentment on his or her part, either.
Communicate in a friendly way. Snapping at people invites them to snap back even harder. "What do you think you are doing with my calculator?" invites a fight. Instead, try something like, "Maybe you don't realize that I'm kind of particular about people using my stuff. I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't borrow my calculator without asking."
Communicate about things that interest you. People get interested in people who are interesting. If you limit your conversation to who gets to use the phone first, you won't get very far in getting to know your roomie. Lose your shyness. This is the person who hears you snore and sees you first thing in the morning. Balance that with some sharing about movies, music, or harmless gossip.
Negotiate. Somewhere along the line, you've already learned how to state a problem, brainstorm alternatives, and choose a solution (even if it was in your international relations class). Do you have a problem? Call a meeting when neither of you are hungry, tired, or furious, and see if you can work it out. Remember, you've got to be reasonable if you want the other person to listen to reason.
Have fun with the situation. Positive energy invites more of the same. Having a roommate isn't a problem. It's an opportunity to learn about yourself and, perhaps, to make a friend.
Hartwell-Walker, M. & Schuette, B. (Ed.). (Reviewed 2024). Tips for getting along with a roommate. In Getting along with your college roommate. Raleigh, NC: Workplace Options.