Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Getting through tough times can be a bit easier when you have supportive people in your life. Those relationships, whether they are friends, family, a spouse, or a significant other, can be a lifeline. Recognizing their value may leave some to wonder how to maintain those relationships. Below are a few tips that can aid in maintaining healthy relationships.

Benefits of Maintaining Healthy Relationships

First, identify the benefits of maintaining healthy relationships. Healthy, long-term relationships can help create the foundation for a solid emotional base. Often, people can be hard on themselves and forget to give themselves the grace they give others. Partners and loved ones can, a lot of times, have a more positive image of you than you have of yourself. This is known as the Michelangelo phenomenon, in which loved ones believe in your ability to be your ideal self, thus providing positive messages and encouragement to get you to that ideal self. Your loved ones can push you to be the best that you can be, because they see and believe you can achieve your goals.¹

Committed, healthy relationships allow you to bounce back from stress and trauma, be more enthusiastic about life, and be comfortable trying new things. Those with whom you have healthy, committed relationships can continue to push you to achieve your goals and ambitions, even when you stumble.

Tips on Maintaining Heathy Relationships

Whether you are looking at healthy relationships with family members or friends, the following tips can help lead to committed, long-term, healthy relationships with those in your life:

• Be realistic about expectations in the relationship.
• Improve trust by showing that you can be a reliable friend, family member, and so forth.
• Find time to be present (without distraction), and spend time with those you want to foster and maintain healthy relationships with.²
• According to John Gottman, a relationship researcher, happy couples have 5:1 ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions. It helps to find moments to encourage your partner by affirming the relationships and your partner's efforts.³
• Find ways to be interdependent of one another. Relationships in which the individuals solely rely on one another can become overwhelming and unhealthy, as it is unrealistic that one person can meet all your needs. It is important to have shared interests but also engage in enjoyed activities outside of that relationship.²
• Be aware of how your partner or loved one feels loved or supported. People can give and feel love and support differently, and it can helpful to know how that important person in your life likes to receive love or support. For romantic relationships, knowing your partner's love language can help you figure this out. You can find out your love language here: Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes.⁴
• Apply effective communication techniques to increase understanding:
  • Use active listening skills, such as listening to understand instead of listening to reply. Try reflecting back what you believe the other person was trying to convey.
  • Ask questions instead of making assumptions about the other person's intentions or if you're unsure of what someone is saying.
  • Use I-statements to express your thoughts and concerns in a way that decreases blame or defensiveness in the other individual. For more information on I-statements, click here: Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/i-message.⁵
• Learn and use conflict resolution techniques during disagreements. Here are a few:
  • Make sure you're in the headspace to have a calm, respectful discussion. If not, come back to the topic when you can be calm and respectful.
  • Be clear and specific about your needs and concerns. "Attack the problem, not the person."
  • Stick to the topic at hand. Avoid "always" and "never" statements. These statements are rarely factual.
  • Hold yourself accountable for your mistakes.
  • Identify if you can agree to disagree. Because you will not agree on everything, it can be more helpful to identify if you can accept that you disagree on the topic. If not, can the relationship still be a healthy one?

While it can feel amazing when you have relationships that seem effortless, in reality, it often requires time and effort to foster helpful and supportive relationships that stand the test of time. Please see the references below for more information on maintaining helpful relationships.

References

1. Psychology Today. (n.d.). Link opens in a new windowMaintaining a relationship. Retrieved May 20, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com
2. Robinson, L., Smith, M., & Segal, J. (Updated 2024, April 10). Link opens in a new windowTips for building a healthy relationship. Retrieved May 20, 2024, from HelpGuide: https://www.helpguide.org
3. Amherst College. (n.d.). Link opens in a new window10 tips for healthy relationships. Retrieved May 20, 2024, from https://www.amherst.edu
4. The 5 Love Languages. (n.d.). Chicago: Northfield Publishing. Retrieved May 20, 2024, from Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes
5. Good Therapy. (Updated 2018, February 14). Link opens in a new window"I" message. Retrieved May 20, 2024, from https://www.goodtherapy.org