Guidelines for Keeping Your Friendships Strong (Part 1)
Like yourself.
If you don't like yourself, don't feel that you have any value, or don't think others will like you, you will have a hard time reaching out to people who may become friends. Work on building your self-esteem by treating yourself well—eating healthy foods, getting plenty of exercise and rest, doing things that you enjoy—and by reminding yourself over and over that you are a very special and worthwhile person.
Activities: Go to the library and get a book to read on building self-esteem. Make a list of at least five things that you do well. Make a sign that says "I am a wonderful person." Hang it in a place where you will see it often—like on your refrigerator door or on the mirror in your bathroom.
Have a variety of interests.
Develop interests in different things—it will open opportunities for connection with others and make you more interesting person that others enjoy being with. Some interests include music, art, crafts, gardening, watching or participating in sports activities, or fixing cars.
Activity: Make a list of your interests. Hang it on your refrigerator or in another convenient place. It will act as a reminder when you are having a hard time thinking of things to do.
Enjoy spending time alone.
If you don't enjoy spending time alone, you may feel desperate to have people around you all the time. This desperation can drive others away from you. You can learn to enjoy spending time alone by
- Developing interests and hobbies that you can do by yourself
- Anticipating times you will be spending alone and arranging to do some special things for yourself during those times
- Changing your attitude about time alone so you enjoy spending a reasonable amount of time alone
- Addressing any fears you may have about being alone and doing everything you can to ensure you will be safe, such as locking doors and windows
Many people have found that pets are a wonderful way to enjoy time alone and to help relieve the loneliness.
Activity: If you are uncomfortable when you are alone, set aside an hour of time when you can be alone. Make a plan of something enjoyable you can do during that time that focuses on you, like painting a picture, playing a musical instrument, journaling, or taking a walk (not watching television, working, or using the computer). Try to do this at least once a week. As you become comfortable with time alone, set aside longer periods of time alone for yourself.
Have plenty of friends.
Work on having several friends so that someone is always available when you would like companionship or support. Expect to have many friends because you are worth it. Relying on only one or two people puts too much pressure on everyone. Some people like to have more friends than others, so the number is really up to your own sense of what you need, but a good goal for most people is to have five close friends.
Activity: Make a list of your friends with their phone numbers to keep at a convenient place for easy reference. If you don't feel that you have any friends right now, list your health care professionals and family members. Add friends to your list as you make them.
Take action to make new friends.
To make new friends, you have to take action. You can do it as slowly or as quickly as you want, taking small steps or big steps. You can also work on improving your relationships with people already in your life by doing things like inviting them to your home to chat, share a meal, play a game, watch a movie, or share some other activity, or by doing a favor for them when they are having a hard time.
Activity: Do something that puts you in contact with others. Go to an event in your community. Join a group.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (n.d.). Guidelines for keeping your friendships strong (pp. 4–5). In Making and keeping friends: A self-help guide (Pub. No. SMA-3716). Retrieved November 12, 2019, from https://www.samhsa.gov