Pronouns for Respect and Inclusion
What are personal pronouns and why do they matter?
Personal pronouns are part of an everyday conversation. "I" and "you" are personal pronouns. So are "he," "she," and "them." "I" and "you" are not associated with a particular gender. Gender-associated pronouns include
- "he," "him," or "his"
- "she," "her," or "hers"
- "they," "them," or "theirs"
The problem with using gender-associated pronouns comes when you make wrong assumptions about the sex or gender identity of another person while using these terms. Because a person looks or talks like a man, you may use the pronoun "him" without giving it much thought. Or you may use "her" when mentioning a person who looks or talks like a woman. But a person who looks like a man may identify as a woman, and a person who looks like a woman may identify as a man. Or a person may not identify as either a man or a woman.
Using a pronoun, based on your assumptions, that conflicts with a person's gender identity can be hurtful or even harassing. It's a matter of respect to use a person's correct name when addressing them. (Think about how irritating it is to have someone address you with a nickname you don't use.) It's also a matter of respect to use a person's correct pronouns.
What is gender identity?
Gender identity is internal. It's how a person thinks of themself. A person's gender identity doesn't always line up with their appearance or how others perceive them. It can also change over a person's life as they come to understand who they are. Cisgender is the term for people who identify as the same gender they were assigned at birth (assigned a girl at birth and living life as a woman, for example). But not everyone is that way. Transgender is the term for people who don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Agender people consider themselves to be neither men nor women.
How to Use Pronouns Respectfully at Work
In the past several years, many colleges and universities have made it standard practice to enable students, faculty, and staff to identify their pronouns. This practice is becoming more common in social relations and the workplace.
Here are some examples:
- "My pronouns are he/him/his."
- "My pronouns are she/her/hers."
- "My pronouns are they/them/theirs." (gender-neutral pronouns)
- "My pronouns are ze/hir/hirs." (gender-neutral pronouns, pronounced zee/heer/heers)
- "I don't use pronouns. Just use my name." (another gender-neutral choice)
Note that in a one-on-one conversation or correspondence, gender-associated pronouns are mostly absent: "I will handle that task myself." "You will get credit for your good work." It's in the use of third-person pronouns—he/him/his and she/her/hers—that gender identity comes into play.
When a person shares their pronouns with you, they are setting the expectation that you will use those pronouns when referring to them in writing or when talking to someone else. It is a matter of respect to follow that lead. Note that these are not "preferred pronouns." That phrase can cause offense. They are the pronouns a person expects others to use in recognition of their gender identity.
How might a person share their pronouns? They might do it as part of an introduction: "Hi. I'm Jamal and I go by the 'they' pronouns." They might include their pronouns as part of their email signature. At work, a manager or meeting leader might ask people to share their pronouns. Or a person might include their pronouns on a business card, in a directory, or in another way your organization has provided.
If you make a mistake, don't make a big deal of it. Just correct yourself, make a quick apology, learn from your error, and keep going. Repeated mistakes, though, may be perceived as harassment.
For More Information
"He, She, They, Ze? Gender pronouns explained," by Nick Seip, True Colors United (2018)
Link opens in a new windowhttps://truecolorsunited.org/2018/02/15/gender-pronouns-explained
"Pronoun Guide," GLSEN (2019)
Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.glsen.org/activity/pronouns-guide-glsen
"Talking About Pronouns in the Workplace," the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Foundation (2020)
Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.thehrcfoundation.org/professional-resources/talking-about-pronouns-in-the-workplace
"Understanding Pronouns," LGBT Life Center (2020)
Link opens in a new windowhttps://lgbtlifecenter.org/pronouns
Morgan, H. (Reviewed 2023 [Ed.]). Pronouns for respect and inclusion (Z. Meeker, B. Schuette, & L. McAtee, Eds.). Raleigh, NC: Workplace Options.