Benefits with Company

How to Be Happy

Ten Tips from the Science of Happiness

Behavioral scientists have done a lot of research into what makes people happy and what doesn't. It turns out that most people are quite bad at predicting what will make them happy. Wealth and possessions, for example, have far less impact on happiness than is commonly believed. For deeper, longer-term happiness, scientists have found that other things are far more important. These include some habits for living that can be learned and practiced. Most cost nothing and are available to virtually everyone.

Here are some lessons from the science of happiness that you can apply to your life. (One caveat: For people with clinical depression, anxiety disorder, or other mental health issues, these practices aren't a substitute for therapy, medication, and other professional support. They may be helpful as supplements to those treatments.)

1. Make time for friends and family.

Multiple studies have found that long-term, caring social connections are the biggest factor driving personal happiness. Friends and family support you when you need a lift, act as a sounding board when you need to process your feelings, and celebrate with you when things are good. And it can feel good to provide that support and emotional uplift in return. This isn't about how many social media friends you have. It's about that core set of meaningful relationships—maybe just one or two people—who love you for who you are and make you feel good. Think about the people who make you laugh and smile and who have been there for you when you've felt down. Make time for them, no matter how busy you are. Show them that you appreciate and care about them.

The flip side of this advice is to let go of grudges. Even the best relationships can hit rocky spots. Don't get stuck there. Harboring resentment takes energy and saps happiness. Reach out to forgive and move on.

2. Be kind and generous.

You've probably seen the bumper sticker: "Perform random acts of kindness." It sounds sweet and maybe a little sentimental, but happiness studies have found that it works—in an oddly selfish way. By being kind and helping others, you actually help yourself. Bring a smile to someone's face by giving a compliment, doing a favor, offering help, or just being kind. You'll make someone else's day brighter, and you'll be happier yourself.

In the same way, spending money on someone else is a surer path to happiness than spending it on yourself. And volunteering in ways that help others has been found to boost the volunteers' psychological health.

3. Curb excessive self-criticism.

Self-talk is the feedback people give themselves, and it's often critical, undermining your happiness. Be kind to yourself in reviewing your own actions and behavior. Learn from the setbacks and move on from them, rather than blaming yourself and digging yourself into an emotional hole. If you find yourself being overly self-critical, imagine how a caring friend would talk to you, or how you would talk to that friend. Retune your inner voice to be as kind.

If you need a nudge to shift to more positive thinking, make a list of your good qualities—the reasons people like to be with you and choose to have you as a friend, your skills and talents, your most important strengths. Just the act of writing those qualities down is often enough to break a cycle of self-criticism.

4. Pay attention to the good.

Another key happiness habit is optimism—not the blind optimism of people who can't see both sides of something, but realistic optimism that accounts for the downside while looking for the upside and working toward that better outcome. There's truth in the adage, "Every cloud has it's silver lining." When you find yourself having a knee-jerk negative reaction to something—an event, a change at work, or another person—step back and look for the positive. What good might come of the event or change? What might you learn from this that could help you in the future? How might you reinterpret another person's behavior in more positive ways?

Once you find the good in a situation, even if it's just a faint glimmer of hope, that gives you something to work toward. Optimism is the habit of finding the good in life, even in what may seem like negative circumstances. And cultivating an optimism habit can make you happier.

5. Practice gratitude.

Contented people take time to think about what they're grateful for. It's a simple exercise, and it can work wonders to boost your mood and your outlook on life. By thinking about what you're grateful for—what you appreciate in other people, small and large things that give you pleasure, and what's going well in your life—you can pull yourself out of negative thought cycles. It's easy to focus on what's hard and what's going wrong, and that can make you miserable. Practicing gratitude pushes you to step back and consider what's good and going right.

To get started on the habit of practicing gratitude, you might write down three things you're grateful for at the end of every day. Go to sleep with those positive thoughts and remind yourself of them when you wake up. Over time, this can become your gratitude journal. You'll get better at seeing the good in life with practice, and reviewing what you've written can give you a lift when you're feeling down.

6. Focus on the present.

Dwelling on the past and worrying about the future can make you anxious and unhappy. When you make an effort to focus on the present moment, you can pull yourself out of those unhealthy thought patterns. Being present is at the core of mindfulness and meditation, practices that have been found to reduce feelings of depression and anxiety. You can find an app or take a class in mindfulness or meditation, or simply carve out a quiet time in your day to spend a few minutes contemplating the here and now.

The goal of being in the present moment isn't to force yourself to be happy. This moment may not be a happy one. Instead, the objective is to recognize and accept your emotions, whatever they are. That acceptance is what calms you and can bring you a more positive outlook.

7. Find your purpose.

Another ingredient in the happiness formula is to find your purpose—to be true to yourself and engage in activities that are meaningful to you. Think about what excites and energizes you, what acts or accomplishments you're most proud of, and how you want others to remember you. These priorities are sometimes called eulogy values as opposed to résumé values.

Once you've given some thought to these deeper priorities, find ways to make more time for them. That might be by doing more for the people you love, volunteering to help those in need in your community, working on a creative talent, spending more time in nature, cultivating a passion for gardening or woodworking, or anything else that has significant meaning for you.

8. Get moving.

Regular physical activity is good for your body and mind. Whether it's a walk outside, a workout at the gym, or a yoga session, getting your body moving can lift your mood and sharpen your thinking. Exercise triggers the release of chemicals known as endorphins that make you feel calmer and happier. It reduces stress hormones, and it improves blood circulation throughout your body, including your brain. So, making a habit of regular physical activity can also be a happiness habit.

9. Resist the urge to compare yourself to others.

You can make yourself miserable by comparing yourself unfavorably to others—to their achievements, possessions, social ease, or beauty. It's a natural tendency, but taken too far it can be damaging to your self-esteem and mental health. As the Dalai Lama put it, "We need to learn to want what we have, not to have what we want, in order to get stable and steady happiness." Many of the ideas offered here can help you get past unhelpful comparisons with others. Practicing gratitude is a wonderful way to focus on the good in your life, for example.

Be careful in your use of social media, too. Recognize that people don't present their whole selves—with all of their ups and downs—on these platforms. They tend to show an artificially sunny view of their lives by choosing only the happiest moments and pictures for their posts. You'll always come out the loser if you compare yourself to those carefully curated presentations.

10. Spend time in nature.

Studies have found that spending time in nature—even as little as 30 minutes a week—can reduce stress hormones and lower blood pressure. Other studies have linked the experience of awe—the feeling you might get from looking at the stars or noticing the beauty of a forest path—to more positive emotions. As you work more physical activity into your life, consider doing some of it in nature, giving yourself the flexibility to slow down and savor the natural environment.

As you can see from this list, greater happiness is within your reach. You don't have to be born with a sunny disposition or an optimistic personality. You can practice habits of thinking and being to make yourself happier. The goal isn't to be bright and cheerful every hour of every day. That would be exhausting, and life doesn't work like that. Everyone experiences setbacks and losses. It's human to be sad at times, even deeply unhappy. But the habits offered here can help you accept and cope with those negative emotions and, in time and on average, enjoy a happier life.