Talk to Your Kids About Sex (Part 2)
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Kids need information from an adult they trust. Use these tips to start a conversation with your child today.
Talk early and often.
Start having conversations about your values and expectations while your child is young. Your child will get used to sharing information and opinions with you. This will make it easier for you to keep talking as your child gets older.
There's more than one way to talk to kids about sex. Try having lots of little conversations about sex instead of one big talk. Remember, if you've been putting it off, it's never too late to start a conversation about sex.
Start small.
Try not to give your kids too much information at one time. Give them time between conversations to think. They may come back later and ask questions.
Practice active listening.
Active listening is a way to show your kids that you are paying attention and trying to understand their thoughts and feelings. Try these tips:
- Nod your head.
- Repeat back what your child says in your own words. For example, "So you are feeling frustrated with our rules. You feel that you are old enough to make your own decisions."
Ask questions.
Give your kids time and space to talk about their feelings and thoughts. Ask for their opinions. Be sure to listen, even if you don't agree with your child's opinion. Try asking questions like these:
- When do you think it's okay to start dating?
- Have you talked about puberty or sex in school? Do you have any questions?
- When do you think a person is ready to have sex?
Always take your child's values and opinions seriously. This will show that you respect what your child has to say, and it can help your child feel more comfortable talking to you.
Be ready to answer questions.
When your kids ask you questions, ask them what they think first. Their answers will tell you more about what they are asking and why. This will also give you time to think about your answer.
Do your best to answer questions honestly and correctly. If you don't know the answer to a question, you could say, "I'm not sure. Let's look that up together."
Keep in mind that kids get information about sex from lots of different sources—like friends, the internet, and TV. This can be confusing for your child. That's another reason why it's important for you to answer questions clearly and accurately.
Use media to start a conversation.
Kids see and hear messages about sex every day in the media—like on TV, in music, and online. When something comes up in a TV show or song, use it as an opportunity to start a conversation with your child.
Talk in the car or in the kitchen.
It can sometimes be easier to talk about sex if you are doing something else at the same time. Try asking a question when you are driving in the car or busy cooking dinner. You can still show your child that you are listening by nodding your head or repeating what your child says to you.
Be honest.
It's okay to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Be honest with your child about how you are feeling. Remember, when you are honest with your child, your child is more likely to be honest with you.
Talk with other parents.
Remember that you are not the only parent thinking about how to talk to kids about sex. Ask other parents how their conversations with their teens are going. You may be able to get useful tips and ideas. Talking to parents is also a great way to learn more about the messages other kids are getting about sex and relationships.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Healthfinder.gov. (Updated 2018, February 26). Talk to your kids about sex. Retrieved August 16, 2018, from https://healthfinder.gov/