Listening to Paraphrase
Paraphrasing lets the other person know you are trying to understand his or her problem. This communication tool also clarifies communication, slows the pace of interaction, reduces emotional intensity, helps elicit more information, and enhances your analysis of the situation. Paraphrasing may also help focus the other person on the problem and reduce repetition.
Paraphrasing = Lead-In + Restating Content and Feelings
The purpose of a lead-in is to assure the other person that you are not trying to tell him or her how they are feeling. You are simply checking your understanding of the problems and affirming his or her feelings. In the process, you may help the person organize his or her thoughts and identify the real problem.
Use a variety of lead-ins such as these:
- "I wonder if..."
- "Could it be that...?"
- "It sounds like..."
- "It seems like..."
- "I gather that..."
- "Is it correct to say...?"
- "As I hear it..."
- "You appear to be..."
- "I guess that..."
The other person's needs are often very basic (e.g. respect, security, recognition) and those feelings can be brought to light both verbally and nonverbally:
- First, listen for and paraphrase feelings (e.g. anger, sadness, happiness, fear).
- Next, choose a word or phrase that describes the exact feeling and level of intensity.
- Remember that anger frequently covers fear, pain, and powerlessness.
When the intense emotions begin to subside, you can then switch to paraphrasing the factual content of the other person's message.
Paraphrasing = Stating in Your Own Words What the Other Said
- Focus on the speaker: "So you believe strongly..."
- Include facts and feelings: "You were very unhappy when she..."
- Be brief: "The way you see it is..."
Again, paraphrasing lets the other person know you are trying to understand, clarifies communication, slows the pace of interaction, reduces intensity, helps elicit more information, and facilitates assessment of the situation.
Cautions
- Do not make evaluations or judgments.
- Avoid stereotyped responses.
- Be careful about timing.
- Be careful about overstating.
Practicing paraphrasing: Write out the way you would verbally paraphrase the following statements.
Our committee has been meeting every week now for two months. No matter what the proposal or idea expressed, Bob acts like a wet blanket. We only have one more month to complete the plan and implement it. We're running out of time. All he says is, "No, I don't think it is practical," or, "No, we don't have enough money," or, "No, we need more information." We're getting nowhere fast. The rest of us feel like resigning from the committee.
________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
"You just don't understand what it's like to have to sit through staff meetings like the one we had today! I don't feel I can be attentive because I am so upset. At times I felt like getting up and leaving."
________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
"No! That's not what I said. That is not what I want. If no one cares about my opinion and feelings, maybe I should leave this department. Maybe I'm the oddball here, and you all would be happier if I weren't around."
________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs, Alternative Dispute Resolution. (Updated 2015, August 15). Listening to paraphrase. Retrieved September 12, 2019, from http://www.va.gov