Coping with the Stress of Relocation After a Disaster (Part 4): Helping Young People

Helping Young People Understand a Disaster

Disasters can hit young people hard. It is difficult for them to understand and accept that there are events in their lives that cannot be controlled or predicted. When facing an unknown and potentially dangerous situation, young people usually look to adults for answers and help.

Talk with young people at a level in line with their age. Children handle information differently at different ages. Preschool-age children cannot handle as much information as teenagers.

Before you as an adult can help young people cope with a disaster, it is important for you to recognize your own natural feelings of helplessness, fear, and anger, if these exist. Until this occurs, you will not be able to give a young person the full emotional help he or she needs. Nothing is wrong with letting young people know that you do not have all the answers. Things that can be done immediately include the following:

• Let young people know how you see the family situation improving—for example, your plans for their school, your work, and family housing.
• Communicate a positive "I'm not helpless" attitude, stressing that "we can get through this together."
• Ask for parenting or other help if the situation gets beyond your abilities and control.

These actions will start the healing process and help young people to feel relief in knowing the family will regain control and restore their lives.

Parenting Tips for Helping Young People Manage Stress

You can use these practical parenting tips to help deal with managing high levels of stress in young people. Choose the age-appropriate approach for your child.

For Preschool-Age Children

• Reassure young children that the disaster was not their fault in any way.
• Talk with children about how they are feeling, and listen without judgment.
• Let children know they can have their own feelings, which may be different from the feelings of others.
• Let children take their own time to figure things out.
• Do not expect children to be brave or ask them to pretend that they do not think or feel as they do.
• Give preschoolers small bits of information in relation to their questions. Too much information can confuse them.

For Preschool and School-Age Children

• Return to former routines of bedtime, eating, and so forth as soon as possible. If this is not possible, develop new routines. The structure of a routine provides security and assurance.
• Do not expect children to be brave or tough or not to cry.
• Do not minimize the event.
• Hug your children. Hugging lets your children know that someone is there for them.
• Allow special privileges, such as leaving the light on when they sleep.
• Spend extra time with your children at bedtime. Read stories, listen to music, and talk quietly.
• Children, just like adults, cope better when healthy. Make sure children are getting balanced meals, proper exercise, and enough rest.
• Find ways to emphasize to your children that you love them.
• Encourage children and adolescents to feel in control by letting them choose which clothes to wear, what food to eat at meals, and so forth.

Activities to Help Children Manage Disaster-Related Stress

Consider the following ideas. These activities and tips can help young people manage stress.

For Preschool- and School-Age Children

• Encourage children to draw or paint pictures of how they feel about their experiences. Hang the pictures at a level where children can see them easily. Talking about their drawings can help lessen feelings of stress.
• Playing with Play-Doh or clay is good way for children to release tension.
• Playing music is fun and valuable for children.
• Creating music with instruments or rhythm toys helps relieve stress and tension.
• Make puppets with the children and put on a puppet show for family and friends, or help children put on a skit that helps them communicate about what happened.
• Don't let children watch too much disaster-related television. Hearing about the events and seeing the tragic images over and over again will certainly raise their anxiety.
• Be aware of your own emotional reactions around your children. It is all right to share your feelings, but you must also show your children that you are in control of your emotions. Do not look to children for your emotional support.

For Teenagers

• Encourage your teenager to talk one-on-one with a trusted adult or in a small group of peers about the event. Generally, this is most successful when you begin with general events, move to more event-specific experiences, and follow with each person's experiences with the disaster.
• Teenagers may wish to talk about values, moral issues, and the meaning of the disaster.

When Young People May Need Additional Help

Situations may develop when young people need additional help dealing with emotional aftereffects of the disaster. Young people may benefit from help from a health care professional if the emotional stress associated with the disaster does not get better in a few weeks or when they

• Display continual and aggressive emotional outbursts
• Show serious problems at school (e.g. fighting, skipping school, arguments with teachers, or food fights)
• Withdraw completely from family and friends
• Cannot cope with routine problems or daily activities
• Engage in vandalism or juvenile law-breaking activities
• Express suicidal ideas

Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness. People have limits and sometimes need help when stretched beyond their limits. Seeking help from others can offer solutions that may not be known to you.