Tips for Talking to Children and Youth After Traumatic Events: A Guide for Parents and Educators

Children respond to traumatic events, such as car crashes or violent acts, in many different ways. Some react very soon after the event. Others do fine for weeks or months and then begin to show troubling behavior. Knowing the signs common to different age groups can help parents and teachers recognize problems and respond appropriately.

Preschool Age

Children 5 years old and younger find it particularly hard to adjust to change and loss. These youngsters have not yet developed their own coping skills, so they must depend on parents, family members, and teachers to help them through difficult times.

Very young children may regress to an earlier behavioral stage, for instance, resuming thumb-sucking or bed-wetting. They may become afraid of strangers, animals, darkness, or "monsters," cling to a parent or teacher, or become very attached to a place where they feel safe. Changes in eating and sleeping habits are common, as are unexplainable aches and pains. Other symptoms to watch for are disobedience, hyperactivity, speech difficulties, and aggressive or withdrawn behavior. Preschoolers may tell exaggerated stories about the traumatic event or may refer to it repeatedly.

Primary School Age

Children aged 6 to 10 may experience some of the same reactions that younger children do. They may withdraw from playgroups and friends, compete more for the attention of parents, fear going to school, begin to do poorly in school, become aggressive, or find it hard to concentrate. These children also may return to younger behaviors, such as asking to be fed or dressed by their parent or caregiver.

Adolescents

Youths and adolescents from 11 to 19 years old experience many physical and emotional changes during this developmental stage, so it may be more difficult for them to cope with trauma. When under stress, 12- to 14-year-olds are likely to report vague physical complaints and may abandon chores, schoolwork, or other responsibilities. Though they may compete vigorously for attention from parents and teachers, they also may withdraw, resist authority, or become disruptive at home or in the classroom.

Unable to assume full adult responsibilities as the community responds to the traumatic event, older teenagers may feel helpless and a sense of guilt. However, they may deny the extent of their reactions to the traumatic event to themselves and their parents. They may begin to experiment with high-risk behaviors such as alcohol or drug use.

How to Help

The good news is that children and youth are usually quite resilient. Most of the time they return to feeling OK soon after a trauma. The most important ways to help are to make sure they feel connected, cared about, and loved.

Reassurance is the key to helping children through a traumatic time. Very young children need a lot of cuddling, as well as verbal support. Answer questions about the event honestly, but do not dwell on frightening details or allow the subject to dominate family or classroom time indefinitely. Encourage children of all ages to express emotions through conversation, writing, drama, or artwork and to find a way to help others who were affected by the event.

Try to maintain a normal household or classroom routine, and encourage children to participate in recreational activity. Temporarily relax your expectations at school or at home. Acknowledge that you may have been affected by the traumatic event as well; take steps to promote your own healing.

Tips for Talking to Children and Youth After a Traumatic Event

• Provide them with opportunities to express their emotions through conversation, writing, drawing, and singing. Accept their feelings, and tell them it is OK to feel sad or upset. Pay attention and be a good listener. However, don't pressure them to talk or get involved. Allow them to leave the activities, and monitor them for signs of distress.
• Monitor their television watching. Try to watch news coverage of the event with them. You may wish to limit their access so they have time away from reminders about the trauma.
• Answer questions at a level they can understand.
• Allow them to discuss other fears and concerns about unrelated issues.
• Be careful not to blame any particular cultural or ethnic group if human violence or error caused the event. Let them know that they are not to blame when bad things happen.
• Help them identify good things, such as heroic actions, families who unite and share support, and the assistance offered by others in your community. They may better cope by helping others too, for example, by writing caring letters to those who have been hurt.
• Model self-care by setting routines, preparing and eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep, and exercising.

When Talking Isn't Enough

More active interventions may be required for some children and youth, particularly if they were more directly affected by the traumatic event:

• Parents might consider family counseling. Traumatic events often reawaken children's fear of losing their parents at a time when parents may be preoccupied with their own practical and emotional difficulties.
• Families may choose to permit temporary regressive behavior. Several arrangements may help children separate gradually: spending extra time with parents immediately before bedtime, leaving the bedroom door slightly ajar, and using a night light.
• Some parents have a fear of leaving a child alone after a traumatic event or have other fears they may be unable to acknowledge. Talking with a mental health professional can be useful in helping to identify those concerns.
• Teachers can also help children through art and play activities, as well as by encouraging group discussions in the classroom and informational presentations about the traumatic event.

References

U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (Revised 2013). Tips for talking with and helping children and youth cope after a disaster or traumatic event: A guide for parents, caregivers, and teachers (HHS Pub. No. SMA-12-4732). Retrieved May 18, 2018, from www.samhsa.gov/