Individual's Reactions to Death in Service: When a Coworker Dies

The workplace is more than a location where people put in 40 hours and collect a paycheck. It's also where they form relationships and experience challenges, conflict, change, and successes together. They may spend more time during the week with their coworkers than they do with their own family members. Broadly speaking, they are a work family.

Employees may consider their coworkers close friends or merely acquaintances. But what binds them together is their shared experience of creating a product or delivering a service for their employer. So when a coworker dies, the workplace is significantly impacted.

Grief is a normal and universal reaction to loss. An individual's response to a coworker's death will depend on several factors, including the length and quality of their relationship, whether the death was sudden or expected, and other losses the person may have recently experienced.

There is no "right" way to grieve, only one's own way. Coworkers may be surprised by how they react to the news. Some may think they should feel sadder or that others should not be so tearful. However, it is best not to judge such an individualized and personal experience.

Grief comes in physical, emotional, and behavioral forms. One's grief reaction may include, but not be limited to, any of the following responses:

Physical

• Fatigue
• Headache
• Appetite changes
• Sleep changes
• Tearfulness

Emotional

• Disbelief
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness
• Anger
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Sadness
• Irritability

Behavioral

• Withdrawal
• Reduced work productivity
• Lack of concentration leading to errors
• Increased use of alcohol, nicotine, or drugs

One can expect that the adjustment to an employee's absence in the workplace will be difficult for some coworkers. Some may find it painful to watch as the possessions of the person who died are packed up and moved out. A coworker may anxiously attempt to stay away from the deceased person's work area. Others may miss spending a break or lunch with the deceased coworker or sending quick emails to share an idea or joke. Those are examples of certain work situations that may trigger grief reactions in some employees.

The length of grieving is as individualized as the experience itself. Employees may experience acute grief for days, weeks, or even months, depending upon how close they were with the deceased coworker. However, the intensity will lessen, and healing will gradually occur.

Coping Strategies

• Coworkers may not all be at their best, so they should be understanding with each other. If an individual has the ability, offering help to a coworker who seems particularly overwhelmed would be a thoughtful action to take.
• An individual can acknowledge the coworker's death informally by talking about what happened with others. The group's manager may want to formally acknowledge the death by calling a special meeting. The manager can consult with the employee assistance program (EAP) about how to conduct the meeting or request a counselor to cofacilitate it.
• An individual may want to encourage the other work group members to discuss and agree on how they want to pay tribute to their deceased coworker. Many different options are now regularly selected by work groups, such as creating a memorial board, writing a tribute in the employee newsletter, planting a tree in the person's memory, and making a group contribution to the person's favorite charity. Some people choose to establish unique ways in which the legacy or values of the person who died are continued.
• An individual can reach out to close friends or family members to get the support that may especially be needed at this time. Research has found that support is one of the most effective ways to cope with and heal from loss.
• An individual may want to contact the deceased coworker's family, send cards or flowers, or attend the funeral or memorial service.
• This is a critical time to focus on self-care, so the individual should get plenty of rest, nourishment, exercise (at the minimum, take some extra walks) and pleasant, relaxing activities.

Where to Go for Extra Support

Should additional support be needed during the grieving process, individuals can consider seeking out resources outside their network of family and friends, such as

• Their priest, minister, or other spiritual advisor
• Their EAP
• A grief counselor
• A bereavement support group