Responding to a Suicidal Friend or Loved One
Is there anything more frightening than to hear a parent, child, spouse, or loved one express thoughts of suicide? Suicide is a global epidemic that should not be ignored. People contemplating suicide are most often not thinking "I want to be dead forever" but are looking for a way to end their temporary emotional pain. There are warning signs and risk factors to recognize in order to intervene and save a person's life. When someone expresses thoughts of ending their life, you must act.
Recognize the red flags.
- Suicidal thoughts—"I don't want to live anymore"; "My family is better off without me"; or "I have nothing to live for."
- Dramatic change in behavior and mood—The person may seem extremely sad or constantly agitated.
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness—The person believes that the situation will never get better.
- Withdrawal from normal activities and interests.
- Changes in sleep, eating, and hygiene habits.
- Engaging in self-destructive behavior—excessive alcohol use, taking drugs, or driving too fast.
- Unusual happiness and peace after an intense period of turmoil, and displaying any of the above characteristics.
Start the conversation.
If you know of someone who is showing signs of suicidal behavior, do not wait to see if they start to feel better. Although it may seem frightening, talking to your family member or loved one is the first step toward saving their life. Most of the time, people experiencing thoughts of suicide will be willing to talk when approached by someone with care and concern. You can start this conversation by remarking on their recent behavior:
- "I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed sad lately. Is there anything you would like to talk to me about?" or "How have you been feeling?"
- There is also a more direct approach to asking questions. Do not be afraid to be blunt. It is OK to use the word suicide. "It seems that you have been talking about death a lot. Are you having thoughts about killing yourself?" A direct question may be needed: "Are you having suicidal thoughts?"
Continuing the Conversation
At this point, you have started the conversation. It may seem challenging and uncomfortable to continue talking, but you have appointed yourself as an emotional outlet for the person sitting across from you. Here are a few things to remember when continuing the conversation:
- Listen—Allow the person to vent or talk about how they are feeling. Be yourself, and don't worry about the "right thing to say." Although the conversation may seem negative and hopeless, the fact that they are talking is a good sign.
- Take them seriously—There are a lot of harmful myths out there about suicide. In this moment, it is critical to take your loved one seriously as they discuss their sadness, anger, depression, and/or hopelessness.
- Express empathy—Acknowledge the hurt and pain, and validate the person's feelings. Do not act shocked or try to offer solutions to fix them. Simply be present and listen.
- Reassure them that help is available.
Determine the need for emergency intervention.
- Is there a plan? Determine if your loved one has an idea of how they would take their life.
- Is there a way to carry out the plan? If they are talking about shooting themselves, determine if they have access to a firearm. If they are talking about an overdose, determine if they have access to pills.
- Has your friend ever attempted suicide before? Previous suicide attempts are an indication that they are at higher risk for acting again.
Steps for Getting Support
While having someone to vent to in the moment can be a helpful solution, be mindful that you are not there to "fix" the problem. Do not leave your loved one until you have confirmed they are safe. If your family member or friend is actively suicidal, with a plan, and cannot be redirected by talking, seek emergency help:
- Dial 911 or take the person to the nearest hospital emergency room, and tell the hospital staff what your friend has shared with you.
- If your loved one is expressing these thoughts over the phone and you do not have immediate access to them, call for help. Operators via 911 can provide welfare checks to homes or call an ambulance if needed.
- Find counseling resources online to get your loved one connected to support.
- Share available resources with the person before departing. Be willing to make the call or take part in the call to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or Link opens in a new windowhttps://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now. The toll-free confidential Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
James, K., & Schuette, B. (Ed.). (Revised 2024 [Ed.]). Responding to a suicidal loved one or friend. Workplace Options: Raleigh, NC.