Mourning the Death of a Spouse or Domestic Partner: Part 2
Taking Charge of Your Life
After years of being part of a couple, it can be upsetting to be alone. Many people find it helps to have things to do every day. Write down your weekly plans. You might
- Take a walk with a friend.
- Go to the library to check out books.
- Volunteer at a local school as a tutor or playground aide.
- Join a community exercise class or a swim group.
- Join a singing group.
- Sign up for bingo or bridge at a nearby recreation center.
- Think about a part-time job.
- Join a bowling league.
- Offer to watch your grandchildren.
- Consider adopting a pet.
- Take a class from the recreation center or local college.
- Learn a new skill.
Some widowed people lose interest in cooking and eating. It may help to have lunch with friends at a senior center or cafeteria. Sometimes eating at home by yourself feels too quiet. Just turning on a radio or TV during meals can help. For information on nutrition and cooking for one, look for helpful books at your local library or bookstore.
Is there more to do?
When you feel stronger, you may want to think about
- Writing a new will
- Looking into a durable power of attorney for legal matters and a power of attorney for health care in case you are unable to make your own medical decisions
- Putting joint property (such as a house or car) in your name
- Checking on your health insurance as well as your current life, car, and homeowner's insurance
- Signing up for Medicare by your 65th birthday
- Making a list of bills you will need to pay in the next few months; for instance, State and Federal taxes, rent, or mortgage
When you are ready, go through your spouse or partner's clothes and other personal items. It may be hard to give away these belongings. Instead of parting with everything at once, you might make three piles: one to keep, one to give away, and one not sure. Ask your children or others to help. Think about setting aside items like clothing, a watch, favorite book, or picture to give to your children or grandchildren as personal reminders of your spouse or partner.
What about going out?
Lillian felt lost. Widowed at age 71, she went out with the same couples that she and her husband, Ray, had always liked. But without Ray, she felt out of place. How could she enjoy going out when she felt like a fifth wheel?
Having a social life can be tough. It may be hard to think about going to parties alone. It can be hard to think about coming home alone. You may be anxious about dating. Many people miss the feeling of closeness that marriage or a partnership brings. After time, some are ready to have a social life again.
Here are some things to remember:
- Go slowly. There's no rush.
- It's okay to make the first move when it comes to planning things to do.
- Try group activities. Invite friends for a potluck dinner or go to a senior center.
- With married friends, think about informal outings like walks or movies rather than couples events that remind you of the past.
- Find an activity you like. You may have fun and meet people who like to do the same thing.
- Many people find that pets provide important companionship.
- You can develop meaningful relationships with friends and family members of all ages.
Don't forget.
Take care of yourself. Get help from your family or professionals if you need it. Be open to new experiences. Don't feel guilty if you laugh at a joke or enjoy a visit with a friend. You are adjusting to life without your loved one.
National Institutes of Health, National Institute of Aging. (Updated 2015, January 22). Mourning the death of a spouse. Retrieved February 2, 2015, from http://www.nia.nih.gov/