Helping Your Child Cope with Death
There are healthy ways to teach your child to cope with grief when there is a death in the family.
Children have a different understanding of death based upon their age, so you will need to know what stage they are in to explain death to them. Toddlers will not understand death as a concept, so you may have to keep telling them that a loved one has died. Children of preschool age often think that family members that die will come back, so they will probably continue to ask for the person.
School-age children have a better understanding of death and its finality. They may be more affected by the death of a family member, especially if they remember saying or doing something they perceive as wrong to the person who died. Teenagers definitely understand death. They will need your support during the grieving process as much as you need theirs.
If you are explaining death to a younger child, you will find these guidelines helpful in your explanation:
- Explain death as a permanent and final part of life. Avoid using confusing phrases like passed away, gone away, or not with us anymore. Be precise in your description that Grandma died yesterday because she had cancer.
- Be open to answering any questions your child may ask. It is much better for children to know all the answers to their questions and the truth of the situation rather than to let their imaginations take over.
- Discuss what will happen now. Children need to know what will be happening to feel at ease with the situation. Tell them when the funeral is and that people will be visiting your home.
- Include your children in the grieving process with yourself by allowing them to attend the funeral and funeral home viewing services. If there is something uncomfortable to them, they will let your know.
- Talk with your children about your feelings and ask them about their feelings.
- Remind your children of fond memories of happier times with the lost loved one, so they can think of those times whenever they think of the loved one instead of a funeral. It is a wonderful way to celebrate the life of someone you loved by planting a tree or making a photo album of pictures and happy times spent with the loved one.
- Children still need their normal discipline and structure, so do not excuse undue, inappropriate behavior because of the grieving process.
Workplace Options. (Revised 2023). Helping your child cope with death. Raleigh, NC: Author.