Online Dating Safety
Online dating has become the norm nowadays, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't follow some basic safety tips!
1. Don't include any identifying information on your profile, such as your last name, address, phone number, private email, or anything that will make you an easy target. You want to be able to regulate who knows what about you, especially in regard to where you can be found!
2. Use your common sense and good judgment when making friends online. Try to imagine what it would be like if the person said the same things to you in person that they write online. Would it make you uncomfortable? Do they seem sincere and genuine? Are their emotions and reactions reasonable? Don't be too quick to trust anyone.
3. Discontinue communication with people who make you uneasy. Look for clues indicating dishonesty, such as vague or contrived-sounding personal information, inconsistencies in their answers or information, multiple profiles, someone who sounds too good to be true or is just telling you what you want to hear, or anyone too pushy in trying to get private information from you or getting you to agree to something you aren't comfortable with.
4. Make sure you see their photo. Although some people may be shy to share or post photos on their profile, insist upon seeing one. People use vision as a primary sense, and it is important in establishing safety and comfort levels in many situations. If you arrange to meet someone in person and they do not resemble their photo—ask why and be wary.
5. Ask other people. If possible, see who else this person is acquainted with, and try to do some subtle research through them. Try to find out if anyone has ever met the person face-to-face and what their experiences were. See what kinds of comments are posted between them.
6. Insist on several phone conversations before you meet anyone in person. You can judge someone's character and trustworthiness better over the phone than you can online.
7. If you do decide to meet someone in person, do so in a public place. Have a friend that knows where you are at all times, or maybe even have a friend you trust pose as a stranger and sit nearby while you meet this person. Also make sure to give your friend information about your date, such as their phone number, where they live, where their profile is, or any other identifying information that you have. Also, be sure you aren't "trapped"—have your own transportation, enough cash and a credit card in case an emergency arises, and a fully charged cellphone to contact someone for help or advice.
8. Do a background check! If have any lingering uncertainty about someone yet are still thinking about entering a more serious relationship with them—do some research first. Search their name on Google or another good search engine, or look them up on their company website to make sure they are being honest and are who they say they are. If you can afford a monetary investment, pay for a background criminal check on the person.
9. Take your time. Anyone worth knowing will allow things to move slowly and at the pace that's within your comfort zone. Don't jump into anything simply because you are afraid of letting the person "slip away," or because they are pressuring you. Always keep your own safety in mind first.
10. Don't take it too seriously! Remember that most people online are just there to make new friends, meet dates, or entertain themselves. Don't take anything (other than your safety!) too seriously. Treat online dating or friend communities like you would any physical location or community—some people you don't know, others you may have seen around town—and you're just casually getting to know them better. This will take some of the pressure off and allow your true personality to shine through.
In the end, online dating is just another way of meeting new people. You will want to use the same precautions and care you would in finding a date in the "real" world. Eventually, you will have to meet someone face-to-face, decide if they are trustworthy and if they are what you are looking for, and then make it work from there. Even if something doesn't work out, maybe you will make a new friend! Don't expect to have true love delivered to your front door just because you are part of an online dating community. The same amount of work and compromise is involved in any relationship, whether it starts online or in person.
Schuette, B. (Revised 2024, April). Online dating safety. Raleigh, NC: Workplace Options.