Leaving an Abusive Relationship (Part 2)
What if I'm too scared to leave?
Leaving a relationship is not easy. You may still care about your partner or have hope that things will get better. It may also be difficult or frightening to leave because of these reasons:
- Your partner may be a co-parent to your children.
- Your partner may have isolated you from your friends and family, so you feel you have no place to go.
- Your partner may control the money, so you feel you have no resources to leave.
- Your partner may have threatened you or your children.
- You don't want to disrupt your children's lives.
- You may have an older relative or disabled child needing care.
- Your health may be poor because you were injured in the domestic violence or because of illness.
- You may still have feelings for your partner or worry that you'll be alone for the rest of your life.
You can get help dealing with all of these issues. Talk to a friend, a loved one, or a counselor at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.thehotline.org), 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) or the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) at 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673) or Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.rainn.org. People want to help you.
Even if it seems like the only way you can be safe is to leave, you may still be feeling confused and frightened about leaving. That is normal. You don't have to decide to leave today. However, if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get help.
How can I leave if I don't have any money?
In abusive or controlling relationships, it is common for the abusive partner to get control of all of the money. Often, an abusive partner will not allow the other person to work outside of the home or talk to family and friends.
Even if you do not have any money, you can find the closest domestic violence shelter by calling the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.thehotline.org) at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) for free. RAINN also maintains a national database of domestic and sexual violence providers (Link opens in a new windowhttps://centers.rainn.org). You do not have to pay money to stay at a domestic violence shelter.
Many domestic violence shelters can help you pay for a ride to the shelter. If you are already in a temporary but safe place, call the shelter to ask about help with transportation.
Where can I go if I decide to leave?
Even if you don't have a friend or family member to go to, you still have a safe option. A domestic violence shelter, also sometimes called a women's shelter (because historically, the majority of abuse victims have been female), is a safe place for people who have a violent partner. Its location is usually not public, making it harder for an abusive partner to find. These shelters have rooms for women and children. Unfortunately, not all shelters offer the same services to men as they do for women, but there are a growing number of shelters for men facing abuse (more information for men can be found at Link opens in a new windowhttps://malesurvivor.org or Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domestic-violence/a-guide-for-male-survivors-of-domestic-violence).1
Find a domestic violence shelter near you (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.domesticshelters.org). If your safety and wellbeing depend on leaving your violent partner, help is available. Go online or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.thehotline.org), 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) or the National Sexual Assault Hotline (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.rainn.org), 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673), 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
What happens after I arrive at a domestic violence shelter?
Domestic violence shelters provide basic items for those who have to leave in a hurry and arrive with nothing. They may also provide food and child care. These services are usually free.
Domestic violence shelters often provide
- Individual and family counseling and support groups
- Help enrolling children in school
- Job training and help finding work
- Legal help
- Help getting financial aid
- Help finding permanent housing
Housing in a domestic violence shelter is usually short term and limited. The shelter can help you with the next step in housing.
What happens after my time in a shelter is up?
The next step can be transitional housing. This type of housing is usually independent, separate apartments for each family. It allows a family to find safety and time to recover from domestic violence. The shelter can help you find transitional housing.
Services offered by these facilities may include
- Counseling
- Support groups
- Job training
- Legal help
- Child care
- Help finding permanent and affordable housing
Reference
- WebMD. (n.d.). Help for battered men. Retrieved March 25, 2024, from Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.webmd.com/balance/features/help-for-battered-men
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Office on Women's Health (OWH). (Updated 2021, February 15). Leaving an abusive relationship. In Domestic or intimate partner violence. Retrieved March 25, 2024, from https://www.womenshealth.gov