Benefits with County of San Diego

Getting a Restraining Order Against an Abusive Partner (Part 2)

Where do I get a restraining order?

You can apply for a restraining (or protection) order at courthouses, domestic violence shelters, lawyers' offices, and some police stations. You do not need a lawyer to get a restraining order. Federal law says that you can get a restraining order for free.

Still, you might want to get help from a lawyer to understand your rights. Often, a local domestic violence agency can help you find a lawyer. Some lawyers will help you for free. You can find a list in your state of organizations and lawyers that provide free and low-cost legal services at WomensLaw.org (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.womenslaw.org/find-help/finding-lawyer).

How do I file a restraining order?

To file most types of restraining, or protection, orders, you will go to a family court located in the county where you live, where the person who hurt or harassed you lives, or where the abuse happened. You will fill out forms and provide specific information about when, where, and how the abuse or harassment happened.

What is the difference between a family court and a criminal court?

A family court is very different from a criminal court. A family court will view you and your partner as equals. It becomes your word against your partner's, unless you have police reports and documents showing criminal charges against your partner. The family court must include those documents when making a judgment about your case.

If you decide to go to family court, work with an experienced attorney to prepare your case. Collect police reports, arrest records, and documents showing charges filed against your partner. If you have pictures of injuries, hospital records, or pictures of property damage, include them. Tell your attorney about any witnesses to the abuse so the witnesses can provide statements about what they saw.

How can I find a lawyer?

You can find a lawyer to help you at WomensLaw.org (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.womenslaw.org/find-help/finding-lawyer). You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.thehotline.org), 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233), or the National Sexual Assault Hotline (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.rainn.org), 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673), 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They can answer questions or help you find resources in your area. The Victim Connect Resource Center also provides referrals to local services (Link opens in a new windowhttps://victimconnect.org/get-help/connect-directory).

How can I protect my children?

Your partner may threaten to take your children if you leave. Here are some steps to help protect your children:

• Keep their identity documents. Keep important legal documents like birth certificates and Social Security cards with you or in a safe place. Make sure you have recent pictures of your children and their birth certificates. The police can help you more easily if you have these items showing you are their parent.
• Get contact information for family. Make a list of your partner's family and friends, including their addresses and phone numbers. This can help the police find your children if your partner takes them without your permission.
• Get a restraining order. Apply for a restraining order that says your partner has to stay away from you and your children.
• Apply for sole custody. Apply for a custody order in family court that says your children have to live with you. You can also ask for the order to say that your partner may not take your children out of the United States.

If you have a restraining order or custody order, give a copy to your children's school and child care providers. Ask them not to release the children to the abuser or anyone else not authorized to be with your children.

Talk to a legal professional before leaving the state to get away from someone who hurt you. State laws vary and can affect whether you or your children are required to return to your original state. Notify the U.S. Department of State's alert program if you're worried your partner will try to take your children out of the country. This program lets you refuse a passport for children up to age 18. Call 888-407-4747 or visit the alert program website for more information (Link opens in a new windowhttps://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html).

Are there laws to protect me from domestic violence?

Yes. There are laws against domestic and sexual violence, and they can help protect you. To protect you, a law must be enforced. For it to be enforced, a person must report domestic violence to the police as soon as possible after it happens.

Most domestic violence and sexual assault laws are state laws, which means they might vary in different states. Therefore, what is against the law in one state might not be in another. Regardless of the specific laws in your state, domestic or sexual violence is never your fault. It is never OK to hurt or abuse someone else:

• Find out more about domestic violence and sexual assault laws in your state (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.womenslaw.org/laws/general).
• Learn more about the laws protecting women against violence (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/get-help/laws-violence-against-women).

How can I protect myself if I don't leave?

It can be difficult to think about leaving your home, your partner, and the life you have right now. You may not be ready to leave the relationship right away, but if you are in immediate danger, get to a safe place. You can start thinking about what to do if you need to leave in a hurry and how you can be safe.

If you can't leave or you decide not to leave right now, consider these tips for protecting yourself:

• Create a safety plan. Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, but you can make a plan to make it safer. Start with your safety packing list, which includes a list of the most important documents, medicines, and items to take when you leave. Learn more about creating a safety plan (Link opens in a new windowhttps://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan).
• Find a place you can go in a hurry. It could be a friend's house or a local domestic violence shelter. You may not stay there permanently, but you need a temporary place where you know you will be safe. Try to have more than one place in case you need to escape in a hurry.
• Find out what resources are in your community. Contact your local domestic violence or sexual assault program, and ask for the help and support you need. There are programs that may help you with finding a place to stay, buying food, and finding health care if you need it. If you work or go to school, ask for the contact information to your employee or student assistance program (EAP/SAP) or a student counselor. Get involved with people and activities outside your home. Get involved with people and activities outside your home.

You may think you can stop your partner's abusive behavior, but only your partner is in control of changing their behavior. You must take steps to protect yourself and your children.